"Great Expectations"
Notes
Transcript
Intro:
We could spend a lot of time on this subject matter in our day in age because it, honestly, it is needed. Marriage. This passage alone is one that many books have been written about over the years.
If you have time, I recommend the book, "The Meaning of Marriage", which takes this passage and really dives into, with great details, what biblical marriage looks like.
Now equally as important for our day and age are passages like today. The foundation for marriage is crumbling. People are confused about gender, marriage, and family.
Some are outright hostile to the historic Christian view on marriage.
Köstenberger and Jones put it well: For the first time in its history, Western civilization is confronted with the need to define the meaning of the terms “marriage” and “family.”
What until now has been considered a “normal” family, made up of a father, mother, and a number of children, has in recent years begun to be viewed as one among several options. (God, Marriage, and Family, 25)
I have had way more conversations in my lifetime than I ever thought I would in dealing with this subject matter, and while the debate is lively at times, it is important to see this is not simply a cultural war; it is a spiritual war.
The enemy would love to confuse people and tear down the foundations of God’s plan for marriage.
Now while many want to enter the battle ground of what is right and what is not right, we should realize that Christ, not marriage, is ultimate. Our primary loyalty must be to Jesus.
While we must, with the Spirit’s help, nurture our marriages, we must also remember the fleeting nature of marriage.
Marriage in this life is a shadow of the ultimate marriage of Christ and His bride, as Paul illustrates in this text.
In our passage today, Paul does not give an exhaustive theology on marriage, but more builds into the fabric of godly marriage, being the roles of husbands and wives.
In the end he ties it all together by giving us an amazing analogy of the church. Before we lean into this conversation any further, let's ask God to lead our time together.
Pray
This morning we will be focussing on the two areas that Paul hits on. First, the role of the wife, and then, the role of the husband.
This morning we will first look at the role of the wife as Paul suggests. So if you have your bibles open, we will begin in Ephesians 5:22.
Read: Ephesians 5:22-24
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
A lot of people might here this word, submission, and not like it. So before you start disagreeing or shutting me out, let's have a clear understanding of what Paul is talking about here.
1. Wives submit = trust and love
1. Wives submit = trust and love
One does not easily submit to anything without there being some sort of trust in place. And most wives are not in the business of submitting without question.
What Paul is talking about here is simply that it’s a disposition to yield. It’s an inclination to follow. Paul is not degrading women by saying this. He’s not demoralizing them.
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
What we have here is a picture of two people holding the exact same value but different roles. The best comparison I have ever heard of this is that of two people dancing.
One person leads, and one follows. One initiates, and the other responds. Both are necessary for the dance to happen.
And when both fulfill their roles well, and if it is done well, it can be a beautiful thing to behold. So, Paul says just as a wife would submit to her husband, the church submits to Christ.
The reason we know that this is not some sort of indignation against woman, we have to look at the one speaking.
We know from the Scriptures, we know from Paul’s life, his testimony, that he loves the church. I mean, loves the church.
He was traveling all over the world at his own expense for the sake of the church, that the church might know the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
I mean consider these things friends, he’s getting flogged, and beaten, and persecuted in city after city after city for the church.
Why did he do this? So that the church might know Jesus Christ and might believe in the truth of Jesus Christ and may not fall away from that truth.
He loves the church. So right here he’s not demoralizing women. He’s just saying, “Submit to your husbands.” I love that he says this right here: “…as to the Lord.”
See, this is less about husbands and is much more about the Lord. Our goal, our aim, is to please the Lord, not man, but the Lord.
Notice Paul does not say wives submit to every man. Also, notice that this submission is voluntary submission. This is a happy relationship.
Christian wives freely and responsibly follow the loving leadership of a faithful husband, not a tyrant.
Paul is not talking about that of a slave submitting or being subservient, or even a top of the chain of command where you obey without question.
This is not husbands laying on the couch shouting out commands. John Stott gave a great insight to this idea of submission.
The wife’s submission is but another aspect of love. . . . What does it mean to “submit”? It is to give oneself up to somebody. What does it mean to “love”? It is to give oneself up for somebody.
To submit then is to put the will of someone else ahead of your own. So, it is in love as well, to put others needs ahead of yourself.
I know that I have been flawed as a husband and as a man in the past. I get why that would be a struggle and so I believe that is why we need to proper context of what is being talked about here.
This is not about pleasing your husband, its about the Lord. Paul said, "... as to the Lord. For the husband is the head."
The word head is a troublesome word for many, but again you need a proper understanding. The word simply means supplier, provider, or leader. The truth is it falls in line with all of scripture.
God simply built this into the family unit as He did everywhere else. God creates all these things, the plants, the animals, all these creepy crawly things, and what does He say to man?
Genesis 1:26. “I’ve created you in my own image, that you may have dominion over all things.” Right in the beginning He created a head.
That does not mean that the wife has no voice in the least. Look, just in dating Leah I have learned that she is wayyyy smarter than me.
I don't tell her how things are going to be, no, I listen to everything she says, because a lot of times she’s right. Now, as we enter into a courtship, it changes how we do things.
She is open to my lead and trusts my judgment because she knows the decisions I make in the end will affect us as a family, so I must be wise.
So here it is. It is a weighty thing to submit. It takes mega trust and mega love. I do not take that for granted in the least.
But let me rest here and move to the next section for husbands. The weight of this should shake every husband here to his core. Read: Ephesians 5:25-33
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Paul commands husbands to reflect Christ by loving their brides. We have already touched on this. We are called to love our wives as Jesus loved the church.
So, what in the world does that look like? That brings us to our last blank this morning which is a ...
2. Husbands love = sacrifice and nourishment
2. Husbands love = sacrifice and nourishment
This is a big list I realize, so let me do the best I can to summarize. Love your wives like Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. This is huge. This is how He did it right here.
Not only did he die for the church, but Jesus also came to earth to save His people, to die on the cross for our sins. Right here it is men. He gave himself up.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Let me ask you Husbands, are you willing die, to lay your life down for your bride? Are you willing to sacrifice? Let's be reminded of Christ's sacrifice.
Christ’s back was scourged. His hands and feet were nailed to the wood. A spear was thrust into His side. A crown of thorns was placed on His head, all because He loved the church.
You want your wives to respect you husbands? You want your wives to trust you and love you so fully that submit is not a question for them?
Well, as I dig in I find that it is modeled to us through Jesus's model of loving the church. Christ's love is foot washing, serving, humility, and others centered love.
Husbands, marriage is a call to die to self. It is giving yourself away for the good of your wife. It involves being faithful and not yielding to the temptations of lust, anger, and pride.
This is a love that nourishes as well. Pauls says, 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.
So what does this look like? How do we do this? How did Christ model this for us? Well then we have to go back and look.
"26b ...having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives..."
Practically speaking, this means you should love your bride in a way to help her grow in likeness to Christ. Here is the question: “Are our wives more like Christ because they are married to us?
Husbands, be concerned for her spiritual well-being. Be in the Word personally. Talk about the Word with her. Let me give you a taste of what that looks like for us.
If I showed up with my Bible and told my told Leah to open up her Bible and listen in, she would laugh at me and wouldn’t stop laughing.
We would never get anywhere. So, this is what it looks like for us. “Hey, you know what I’ve been reading? I’ve been thinking about this verse.
I’ve been in Ephesians 5, and I’ve been thinking about this. What do you think about that verse?”
Then she chimes in, and we begin to talk about that. Then she gets into what she has been digging into and we establish the Word in our lives.
It's not always perfect, but I’m washing her with the water of the Word. The Word is always in front of us. We must work at it sometimes, but it is worth the effort.
Paul goes on to say that a husband must provide, nourish, and care for his wife just like he would care for himself. Then he brings in the Genesis 2:24 account of husbands becoming one flesh with their wives.
Just as you long to satisfy your own needs, husbands, satisfy your wife’s needs. Just as you long for intimacy, joy, security, health, peace, companionship, and community, provide them for your bride also.
Do you know your wife’s needs that well, so much that she doesn’t even have to ask; you just do it?
I’m afraid, guys, so often we get in such a bad habit of just meeting our needs, of going and doing and buying these things and taking care of us, that we forget to take care of our wives’ needs.
God has created us as providers to meet needs, to nourish our wives. You may be doing it financially, but are you doing it emotionally, relationally, and spiritually?
Husband's, how are you doing at nourishing your wife? So, the weight of this message is heavy. it should be heavy for all.
Husband, love your wife as your own body, even if it means sacrificing your career dreams.
Nourish her. Cherish her.
God ordained this, and Christ set the pattern for this, and I assure you that the HS will empower this. Are you willing to do this? This is the Gospel my friends. It's sacrifice.
This has to be the work of the Spirit for you to do any of this.
So my hope and prayer, whether you’re a wife who’s struggling to submit to your husband, or a husband who’s struggling to love your wife, you have to ask God to change your heart.
You have to ask the Lord to do a work of his Spirit in your heart and your life. But the great news is the gospel.
We know he can do that. We know he can change us, that he can sanctify us, that he can make us a different person, so there is hope.
There is hope, and it’s hope in the gospel and in the powerful working of his Spirit. Let’s pray.